GEARING UP FOR A FAMILY CLEANING AFFAIR

Let’s get real here. A clean, tidy home usually isn’t at the top of—okay, really even on—a kid’s list of priorities. Kids’ lack of enthusiasm for cleaning is understandable. Do you know anyone who turns cartwheels at the prospect of mopping the crusty kitchen floor or taking out the smelly garbage? Me neither.

But we grown-ups know that just because something doesn’t make our Top 10 List doesn’t mean we can chill out on it altogether. Some of life is just not fun.So what’s a clean-minded Mom or Dad to do when the playroom table needs a post-finger-painting wipe-down or the kitchen table has spaghetti splotches—and the culprit’s less than eager to pitch in?

Start by taking a deep breath, and wipe up the mess yourself—one last time.

If the kids are reluctant participants in your housecleaning routine, or if your requests to “pick up after yourself” are met with backtalk, dawdling, rolling eyes, or outright refusal, it’s time to wrest control of the asylum from the inmates. And delegate chores to them.

Sure, our Moms may have dusted and vacuumed every day (and without help from us). But we don’t have to! It’s a brave new world out there, and today’s Mom knows the score: The only way to hit a cleaning home run is to draft a cleaning team from a family of volunteers.

Better still, involving the family in housekeeping will cut down on the amount of time we spend cleaning and increase the time we spend with our families. What could be better? (Yeah, I know, having a live-in housekeeper. But this is not that kind of website.)

The Chore Conundrum Parents are all over the map on the issue of chores. At one extreme, parents post long chore lists that children must complete before any fun commences. Kids live here, too, they say, and they helped make the mess. We’re building responsible adults. Kids should earn their keep. There’s no free ride.

At the other extreme are parents who don’t expect kids to do anything at all around the house. Well, they explain, kids are so busy with activities. Kids are only kids once. It’s easier to do it than to nag them into doing it. Or (and this is my favorite): That’s what we have a maid for.

I take a moderate approach to chores. Even if you have a live-in housekeeper (not counting yourself), I believe that children should still do a reasonable amount of chores, based on their ages and homework loads. After all, keeping a house clean and running smoothly is the job of everyone who lives there—regardless of age and gender.

Here are a few of the reasons I think kids should have chores:

Chores give children a sense of responsibility that follows through into other areas of their lives, especially school. If kids don’t keep up with their belongings at home, they won’t be responsible for them at school, either.

1 Helping around the house teaches essential life skills. You won’t be there to do the laundry or scrub the toilet for your son when he’s in college, so he’d better learn to do it himself. As parents, preparing our kids for life is in our job description.

2 Housekeeping gives kids a sense of ownership. Kids like to have things that are just theirs. That includes their rooms. If Mom is always rearranging their drawers, how can their rooms truly be their own?

3 Helping to clean gives kids a sense of belonging. Kids like to help, under the right circumstances. And they like doing things with the rest of the family.

4 Keeping things neat instills a love of order. A child with chores will grow up liking things in place. That predisposition will carry over into adulthood.

5 Housekeeping gives kids a sense of pride of accomplishment. They’ll learn to love that feeling.

6 Giving children chores to do teaches them that no one is the family servant—not even Mom!

Those are just a few examples. There are many more. The point is: Take the time to bring up your child to be an independent, responsible adult. Yes, it’s often easier to do chores yourself. But if you’re interested in permanently turning down the volume in your home and cutting out the nagging, the negotiating, the drill-sergeant routine—or if you’re simply tired of being a martyr—you’ll be glad you chose housekeeping with kids. (And so will their future spouses.)